A ReLationsHip mUst cOmpose Of. . .

**ZyphUs** Sat Nov 21, 2009 9:41 pm

A ReLatiOnsHip mUst cOmpOse Of tHese 5 impOrtaNt AspEcts:

1. Listen.

I am starting with Listening because very few people listen effectively. Pick a day this week and spend time in all of your conversations making yourself consciously aware of what the other people are trying to say to you. Listen to the details. Ask questions of the other person to clarify their message and it will send a clear signal that your ears are open and you care about what they have to say. Most of the time we spend the conversation trying to figure out what we will say next. It is a well known fact that people normally are more concerned with their own response than what is being said to them. I found out most of the answers I have for the people around me by listening carefully and asking questions to clarify. Great questions for clarifying are as simple as repeating the message back and asking, "Am I representing your opinion clearly?" or "Did I get that right?"

2. Seek to understand their perspective.

Most of us find out eventually that the world is not our reality. It is a combination of all of our realities. Every person has a different perspective based on their back round, beliefs, values, information, and opinion. We can avoid practically any argument in life by seeking to understand the other person. If you ever want to develop a great relationship with your kids you must seek to understand the way they see your combined life. Kids don't see it from a mature perspective and therefore have difficulty rationalizing their decisions as adults would. If we want to develop great communication skills we need to work on understanding how and why others feel differently. The more effort we put into this function the more reward we will get from opening our own view to the rest of the world.

3. Be a giver.

The best feeling in the world is giving to others. When we are selfish we limit ourselves to our feelings. Giving to others and being a giving person gives us rewards beyond description. When we are genuine in our giving to others we build long term value in mutual trust. This is not meant to be physical presents or gifts of influence. This is giving from the heart with no regard to reward or benefit or recognition. We give our time to our kids and spouse. We give our effort in helping maintain the household. We give all of our effort in communication with other people. People do not respond well to people that constantly keep taking without giving.

4. Learn to communicate.

Communication with others can be a variety of ways. It starts by openly and honestly talking. Convey your thoughts, opinions, and musings in a respectful tone and manner. Offer your perspective and why it similar or different to others. Provide more information for others to be able to understand your perspective. Write letters or notes often and openly. Be clear in language and meaning. If you want someone to help you don't use ulterior motives or try to manipulate them to do things. Ask people openly, be honest and straight forward. It is normally when we don't offer or hide information that our communication starts to deteriorate. If you have difficulty speaking, try writing. Some people share music or art to best communicate their feelings or thoughts. Find what is right for yourself and the people you are conversing with.

5. Make an effort to remember things that are important to them.

There is nothing worse than talking to a co-worker for months about your kids and then realizing they don't even know there names, ages , or remember the stories because they didn't make an effort to remember. When we put effort into remembering important information such as names, dates, favorite things, it tells the other person we care about them, we care about their opinions and they can trust us to be engaged in conversation with them. Most sales people understand this concept and work hard at remembering names to impress their clients. A great relationship is one that has involves you and another equally sharing thoughts, hopes, opinions, information, etc. If you invest the time and effort you will reap great value out of a relationship and will find out you have more in common with the world than you think. You will also find out interesting and unique talents and abilities or experiences that the other person might have or have had in the past.